A Princess, A Pipe, and a Hot Dog

I attempted to convince Lauren that Batman, or a T-Rex are excellent ideas for costumes. However, the girls wouldn't hear of it.  Princess or bust.

This is a pipe we found at the park.  I don't fit as well as I did 20 years ago.

No need to roll up her sleeves or move cautiously when gutting a pumpkin.  This stuff is better than Play-Dough.  Personally, I have no desire to gut a pumpkin.  Call it what you want, it's sick and wrong.

I have wished to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner all my life.  This year, I made it so.

  Although I do not have the magic for words Mark does I'm going to attempt to let you in on a few of the little- known things I love about Mark.

*  He hates squash or anything resembling the squash texture for that matter.  He believes squash was the pernicious evil Adam and Even tripped over on their way out of the Garden of Eden.

* He loves to learn. A couple of weeks ago at 2 a.m. I found him entranced as he was researching black holes.

* Mark hates to get his hands dirty.  The pumpkins would be left ungutted if left to him.   Fortunately, Rylee loves it.

*  A cool new mechanical pen or pencil gets Mark ready and willing to jump in and go to work when something is hard.  (He bought 4 last week)

*  He hates talking on the phone.  Nothing personal to anyone.  It's just the phone thing.  I'm convinced the Lord has a sense of humor for calling Mark to one of the most phone-talking callings.

* Mark loves to play electric guitar.  Sometimes, while we're holding hands or his hand is on my back - his fingers will subconsciously begin to strum through guitar chords.   

*  Along with the guitar, Mark loves almost any music from Pachabel's Canon to Metallica.  He has a talent and love for creating his own music.  He can bring the music he hears in his head out through his guitar.  He thought everyone could do this until we tried a piano/guitar duet. He became shocked and frustrated that I couldn't hear or get out through the piano the music in my head let alone the song he had hoped I'd hear in his head.

* He can fix anything.  Our four-poster bed no longer squeaks thanks to his duck tape in the right places.  Thanks Paula for all the blow-dryers and toasters you let him take apart growing up.

* He loves his older sister and 3 younger brothers and wishes the distances weren't so far.

* He loves spontaneity,  he shows me how to enjoy the journey rather than always trying to just get things done.  

*  He loves soccer.  Yesterday, I said something about soccer in the the living room and his comment was, 'wait, this is my house your talking about, soccer will be played'.   (It's a good thing I know a good fix-it man.)

*  Mark can be the best 'girly boy' as he plays endlessly with his girls.  He is a fantastic dad, if good times are being had, Mark's around.

You're my favorite part, buddy!  Sure love you, Mark.  

Three years, hundreds of activities, tons of memories.  I will always love these Young Women and the leaders I've served with.  It's Mark's turn now to run a little faster pace than he feels comfortable with.  Stake presidencies need executive secretaries and Mark seems to be the man.  He will do a great job although right now he's quite stressed and overwhelmed.

Things You Didn't Know about Janna

You think you know Janna pretty well?   I tend to think she's pretty amazing.  Here are a few things that I love about Janna, and a few other things that you may not have known about her. 

• Janna' favorite food is cereal.  Yup, just plain cereal.  Not Baby-Back Ribs smothered in a secret sauce and cooked over apple wood, not delicious salads with crisp tomatoes and garden greens, not strawberry tarts with cream.  Just cereal.  Topping that list would be Blueberry Morning.  If I could make a romantic candlelight dinner for Janna with places elegantly set, napkins delicately folded with shiny silverware tucked in, it could only be flawless if the main dish were. . . cereal.  That shiny silverware can be a simple spoon, and we're good.  
• Janna likes country music.  I know, I know. . . WHAT?  It's true, nobody is perfect.
• Janna saved her first kiss for me.  Some people may think, "What?  That's absurd."  Truth is, she holds very high standards and that's exactly what I wanted in a wife. Maybe that's one thing that really drove me toward her, the fact that she was a challenge and her virtue is pristine.  The first time I tried to kiss her, she turned her head away.  It was on Valentines Day after the dance when I was trying to say goodbye for the evening.  No worries, I didn't give up.  
• The first time I pinched her backside was when she was standing in her wedding dress beside me on the lawn of the temple during pictures (after the wedding, by the way).  She looked at me open mouthed and surprised and wasn't sure what to do - because it was legal now.  We still laugh about it.
• Her favorite activity above all others, is digging in her garden boxes.  She loves to grow a garden - and she is getting really good at it. She also loves to can fruit, make homemade grapejuice, work on food storage, etc.  She tires me out with her diligence.  
• Janna's favorite ice cream flavor is Pralines and Cream.  
• Janna doesn't like scary movies at all and refuses to watch them if they have any hint of fear inducing elements.  This being said, she is a lifetime fan of Lord of the Rings.  She LOVED these movies!  In fact, she went out and bought the book and read the whole thing in less than three weeks - all three books.
• Janna was the first to register, train, and compete in a triathlon.  I got into it because of her.  She showed me that it can be done, and that it's a lot of fun.  I still can't figure out how she suddenly decided she was going to do a triathlon. This is very random for her and somewhat out of character.  She now owns a racing bike and a very nice competition wetsuit.  
• Maiden name is Janna Elise Call.  Yep, I married a Call girl.  She is the oldest of 4 girls.
• Her favorite candies are Jelly Beans. 
• She proctored my biology exams and graded my biology tests when we were in college together. NOPE, she didn't cut me any slack.  She also tutored me in math, starting with fractions. 
• Janna is an early to bed, early to rise kind of girl.  In the early quiet dawn, I can often find her on the couch with a blanket, reading her scriptures under the light spilling in from the backyard spotlight mounted just above the window.  
• When she is very stressed, she talks in her sleep.  It took me a while to get used to this, my first experience with it was profound confusion at why she would wake me up in the night to tell me these strange things.  She sometimes finishes her partially verbalized thoughts with, "Mark, this is serious, I'm not talking in my sleep."  Wouldn't you be confused too? 
• Janna can find something positive about everyone. She dearly loves her many friends here where we live.  She has a big heart and sometimes will get emotional when she even thinks about the day they (or we) move away.  
• She loves gray skies and the smell of the rain on the pavement.  That's the perfect time to go for a run.
• Janna's lucky number is 13.  Among other things, her birthday is on November 13, and we were married on Friday the 13th.  The temple was empty that day. . . :)
• Janna is very good at "Indian Leg Wrestling."  She can beat me unless I cheat.

Ten Things at the Pulpit

There are times when I am getting ready for church and I remember that it's Fast Sunday.  This means Testimony meeting.  This meeting can sometimes be very inspiring, but in my experience it's more often entertaining than inspirational.  I have compiled a short list of things I have heard over the years at the pulpit.   I have witheld the names of some, not to protect them, but because I don't recall who they were.  Most of the time they were just visitors.

For your enjoyment, number one:

1.  A very drawn out and detailed description of how beautiful the Bishops wife is.  The speaker was male, and was very engaged in this description.  I know, I know. . . wow.

2.  "It's wonderful to come to church and see the Saints engaging in casual intercourse in the hallways."  Bishop Sevy, Madison Ward, 1999-ish.  Of course, he meant "freely conversing and openly fellowshipping". . . right?

3.  "Sometimes, I just don't know what the Hell I'm supposed to do. . . OOPS, sorry Bishop!"  Pardon the expletive. 

4.   ". . . I started to hike up the side of the mountain where the light was coming from.  As I neared the top I saw a great white Angel.  She was beautiful.  She wrapped her wings around me so tightly, and gave me strength."   At this point, the Bishop stood and actually whispered into the man's ear - suddenly, the man stomped off the stage and left the building.  Then the Bishop apologized for the scene and explained that it is his responsiblity to make sure there is no false doctrine taught while he is Presiding.  He then corrected the doctrine about angels, explained that sometimes Satan can appear as an angel of light and that we must all understand this.  He then humbly bore testimony of the truth and sat down again.  Bishop Paul Duncan, Madison Ward, 1999-ish.

5.  A full description of what marijuana leaf looks like, and some extensive detail on how to grow it.

6.  I was very young at the time but I still remember to this day - there was a man giving a talk about music.  He had a stereo plugged in by the pulpit.  He was explaining how good music helps us keep the Spirit, next he described the song "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran.  He then proceeded to insert the cassette and started to push the button when the Bishop stopped him.  He didn't play the music, but I still remember the sudden break in the feeling in the room - and the momentary silence as he approached the microphone again.  He graciously accepted the Bishops direction, but the Spirit left even without the music playing.  Then again, maybe I just remember this because I really liked that song.  

7.  A sister stood and gave a detailed account of how she was a victim of sexual abuse.   I don't even know what to say about this.  

8.  "I know I'm supposed to talk today, but I really don't have anything prepared.  So I'll just go sit down again."  [Walked away]

9.  "It's nice to look out into this congregation and see a bunch of fat white people.  See, in the Philippines - to be fat is a beautiful thing."  Bishop Sevy, Madison Ward.  He and his wife served a mission in the Philippines.  

10.  "Sometimes when I'm alone I just make up my own hymns.  I never pray, I just sing my own hymns.  I feel God has given me this talent, so I use it instead of prayer."  

Can YOU Fit into a Cookie Sheet?

Lauren and Rylee fit into Janna's cookie sheets squarely.  We were supposed to be getting ready for bed when Lauren suggested we race in cookie sheets instead.  My first impulse was, "no way, bedtime."  But then the idea sounded fun since I hadn't done anything active all day.  Why don't they make adult sized cookie sheets?  

Reverse Psychology

How do you get your kids to eat vegetables?  Reverse Psychology may not work on all kids, but it works better for Rylee than for any kid I have ever seen.  When you watch this video, you wouldn't know that Rylee NEVER eats corn.  If I tell Lauren:  "Don't eat your corn."  Her response will be,  "ok dad."  And one final note. . . it doesn't work on me either.

Candyland

Is there anyone who didn't like the game Candyland at one time in their life?  The candy, the colors, the shortcuts, the black dots, the picture cards, how can you not love this game?  This is how we solve boring, cold days, when it's wet or rainy outside.  This is where the name "Princess Frostine" came from, after whom Lauren's fish has the ultimate honor of being named.  

The Styrofoam Train. . . thing.

This is a styrofoam train.  It sits underneath the couch in the living room.  The true purpose of this object is still a mystery to me, but in the meantime - it's a styrofoam train once a week.

Do you remember doing this when you were 5?  Doesn't everyone have a picture like this somewhere along with their kids & cousins in the tub?

Aaaah, now we come to it:  The Beautiful Game.  This picture moves me, captivates me, and warms my heart.  There is nothing that calls like green grass, warm sunshine, and an open net. It's disturbing to think that there may not be time in heaven for a quick match now and then.  

Grandma Pat brought Bruno and we watched Lauren's soccer match from the sidelines. 

Yes, this is Lauren.  Yes, she is asleep.  And, yes, this is Rylee's bed.  I'm sure there is a good story here and a perfectly logical reason why she is there - but I'm struggling to piece it together. I'm trying to figure out how Janna found her there.  

Obviously, the legless Barbie stuffed into Rylee's cake is hilarious.  But look in the background. Lauren is toying with the head of a blue dog pinata - still suspended from the hook on the swingset.  Legless Barbies and bodyless pinata's, you should see what we do for Halloween.

Rylee's new bike helmet.  It fits me too, but Rylee doesn't approve of me wearing it.

Triathlon Time!

Imagine being elbow to elbow with a thousand other athletes, barefoot, all donning racing wetsuits, swim caps and dark lensed goggles - the pull straps bobbing around as they move their heads.   Everytime I first see how far out the buoys are, my stomach drops.  "Whoa. I wish I had trained more."  The feeling is hard to describe, respect for the guy beside me but secretly I'm measuring him up wondering if I can beat him out of the water. 

There is loud music coming from somewhere and a voice on a PA system announces "Ten seconds to start."  My chest gets hot with anticipation and I push my goggles on tight and shake my arms one last time to loosen up.  The starting buzzer, then the sound of thrashing water as arms slash and feet kick the water.  There are three large orange triangular buoys out on the water, the first is about 300 meters away.

  The 800m swim takes about 17 minutes and when I finally get out of the water, I'm dizzy and breathing heavily.  But I can't slow down, I have to peel off this wetsuit and run to find my bike among the hundreds of others all mounted neatly in racks.  My helmet, shades, and biking shoes are ready to put on - and I'm off for 15 miles.  My bike speed goal, 21 mph.  

By far the most difficult part of this race is the transition from biking to running.  The first 100 yards is extremely difficult as my quads are still burning from the bike, but now I demand they power me three more miles on foot to the finish line.  

Highlight of the whole race: My cheering Section - Lauren, Rylee, and Janna!  They boost me up as I pass by with some high fives (or low fives).

I have made the loop, slowly, but I did it.  Here is where I can make my greatest improvements in speed and time.  But, this is the final stretch, I can see the finish line.

A quick summary:

Bear Lake Triathlon, September 6th.  

• Water temperature: 61°F. I know. I know. "Lookout, Ice Berg Ahead."


• Ambient Temperature: 73°, Sunny Blue Skies


• Distance: 750m swim (.46 miles), 12 mile bike, 3.1 mile run.


• How did I do? 1 hour 20 minutes. 13th out of 42 in my age group, respectable.

I'll Be Brave

There is a Dinosaur Park here in Ogden.  I have to admit that the little boy in me still comes out when I see the terrifying life size T-Rex.  Today was free admission day, so we indulged.  Rylee was scared at first, so much that she was trembling in Janna's arms.  There is an animated display in a dark room with an "electric fence" around it.  The mammoth creatures move their heads, turn their necks, open their jaws you hear what you can imagine is the intimidating groan of a T-Rex.  My favorite part, they even blink.

Lauren & Rylee pose in front of a pipsqueakosauruas.  Rylee finally found the courage to climb out of my arms and posed with Lauren.  She said, "Ok, I'll be brave."

Lauren makes a gruesome discovery on the trail. They are decorating for Halloween at the park.  I'm betting this place would be far superior to any haunted house to visit on a dark night.

Rylee manages to catch one of the slow, dumb ones.  

Laurenosaurus.

Calling 911

  

A fun sitting log.

Some foolish unsuspecting victim.

The river and duck pond have trout and catfish that are about 2-3 feet long, probably 25 or 30 lb.  Gotta come back late at night.

Catching lizards. This one saw me and tried to run, but it was too late.

 Pals.  At least for now while they are young. 

Rylee's 3!

Rylee has repeatedly told us since her birthday Monday, 'I'm so big now!' And so she is. She is and probably always will be petite, but so full of spunk and life. What a sweet little blessing she's in our lives. She is as 'girly' as they come. He birthday was full of barbie dolls, barbie cake, hand-made barbie clothes from aunt Amber and a house for all the barbie's to live in. The princess pajamas from Nana and Papa have become the every night necessity. So much pink and fun. Mark called the girls 'girly girls' they other night and was a little distraught when Rylee replied, 'Dad, you are a 'girly boy'.

Pictures will be coming, dumb computer problems.

Aspen Lakes

Three little girls + one strange guy+two paddles = canoeing in circles. Try a 50 miler.

Sharon showed us all how it's done by doing a triple summersault with a half twist into the . . . Ok. Not really. But she did ride the zipline, that's more than some of the other adults.

So. . . what exactly is happening in this picture you might ask. I'll tell you. There was a mountain lion approaching the camp, I heard the roar from the bathroom and I dashed down the mountain with the dexterity of an acrobat and the speed of a ninja to head him off before he could pounce on the unsuspecting victim. Ok, not really, it was only a couger.

Fish count: Bentley: 5, Lindsey: 1

Not so Boring After All. . .

So, I was scrolling through some of my old pictures and thinking, "Wow, have I really done all these cool things?"

Ice fishing on Pineview Reservoir. Don't be scared, this ice was at least 20" thick.

Ran a 5K dressed up like a tourist with my tourist wife and my crossdressing brother.

Sat on Santa's lap. This particular instance was remarkable because Santa was my brother.

Went curling at the Ogden Ice Sheet with my good friend Nathan Kester. What a stud.

Rode 50 miles on my bike during the "Tour de Park City" cycling event.

I have met Thomas the Train in person. . . sort of

I love to play the electric guitar. And I still to this very day like Iron Maiden. So condemn me.

I crawled up into my attic one night just out of pure curiosity and boredom.

I have painted little girls' fingernails and toenails pink, and I loved every minute of it.

I have raced down the slopes of the Rocky Mountains on a snowboard.

I have been to Amish country. They have my full respect and admiration. They don't care that gas prices are more than $4 a gallon.

I have been to one of the most spectacular animated dinosaur museums in all of North America.

I held my wifes hand as she endured a C-Section. Actually, I endured watching a C-Section while my wife held my hand.

I have supervised a coupon training class.

Did I mention snowboarding?

I often wonder how Noah accomplished what he did.

I have built my own swingset. Dumb idea? Maybe, but my girls love it - and I even put the slide on it the other day.

I have bowled with a pink bowling ball while wearing spectacle frames with no lenses.

I got into triathlon because of my wife. She did it first. What an amazing woman.

I have trick or treated dressed up as a Sumo wrestler with Mr. Incredible. (Nathan Kester)

I have adopted a little girl that I can't possibly live without now, and I thank my God every day for that little girl.

I beat some dude in an orange jersey during the Ogden Valley Triathlon.

I have potty trained two little girls. My wife has potty trained two little girls and a husband.

I have played soccer with some of the best players in the world.

I can do a backbend.